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Fears of Having Two

Updated: Mar 22, 2020

Becoming a new mom changes everything. You have no idea what you’re in for. It just happens. When I had Ryder I was amazed at how much I loved him… Instantly! It’s a love that I cannot explain. But I also had no idea that I would ever struggle as much as I did with anxiety after Ryder was born. It was pretty bad for about 5 months. There are so many pressures to being a new mom. So many fears. I was so worried every decision I made wasn’t going to be PERFECT. I had a lot to learn as a new mom! We were trying to figure out what our family of four meant and that was a struggle for all of us. Trying to find a balance with our new baby was difficult.

And now I’m having a daughter at the end of July. So, I will have a toddler AND a newborn to love and care for and worry about! I want this to be a good experience for Ryder, so I’ve been reading up on how to make this a smooth transition (well, as smooth as possible!).

I read on a parenting site that it’s a good idea to let your oldest (toddler) come visit in the hospital. Let him visit, get hugs, chat, etc., before even seeing or holding the baby. The author suggested that you put the newborn in the nursery at hospital right before your toddler comes to visit. This way, the focus is on the toddler. Once you chat and get some time alone with the toddler, then the dad and the toddler go together to the nursery to get the new baby. Let the toddler see the baby and help push the baby’s bassinet to the room. If the toddler walks into a room where the mom or dad is already holding the infant, it makes the toddler feel overwhelmed and concerned like, “why is that baby in my mommy’s arms?! She’s mine!” It makes sense that it could be scary and confusing for a toddler. LOL

We are planning to do this. We’ll let Ryder sit on the bed with me and he can hold the baby before he even sees Tim and me snuggled up with our new baby girl. The author said this gives the toddler an idea of how to be helpful, ownership in their new sibling and a sense of, “I’m ok. I’m not replaced.” I’m sure there is no way around having some feelings about not being the center of the universe. I know it won’t always be smooth and perfect. We’ll have to take one day at a time. And I would SO love any advice you have about how to help create a close bond between your babies from the beginning?

I’m sad I won’t get as much alone time with Ryder and I’m also sad I won’t get anywhere NEAR as much alone time with our baby girl as I did with Ryder. Duh. The thought of not being able to just lay on the couch in pj’s snuggling her all day (like I was able to do with Ryder for the first month or so) sometimes breaks my heart. I’m hoping I can learn to balance how to squeeze in a LOT of snuggles with both my babies.

I am wondering how I am going to feel the second time around. I do feel better about the fact that I’ll have more confidence. I think I’ll worry a little less. You have to, right?! I am concerned about being able to balance Ryder and a newborn. I know it will take a while for him to adjust. He doesn’t get what’s going on and BAM his world will be rocked. I want him to always feel loved and cared for. I still want to have the energy and time to play with him. And I’ve gotta say, I’m so worried that I won’t!

Nursing the baby is one area where I’m just wondering how I’ll have time to do that and take care of Ryder. Newborns eat around the clock and I really want to breast feed again. It was a great experience with Ryder (once I got the hang of it!) and I’m so glad I was able to nurse him. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to feed almost 24-7 while also taking care of a demanding toddler? Anyone out there have any tips?! I don’t know why, but this is my biggest fear!

 This kid is such a goofball and gets so upset the second the fun is over. He loves rough housing and being thrown across the room onto the bed or couch. He’s getting harder and harder for me to carry these days… Let alone wrestle with! How am I going to explain to my barely 2-year-old that Mommy can’t play rough after my c-section?!

Baby girl is coming, and SOON! I’m hoping to make the transition (for everyone!) as smooth as possible. I’d love your advice on what worked for your growing families! As nervous as I am about the changes ahead… We can’t wait to meet this little girl!! 4 more weeks! Eek! 🙂


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