Mommy Monday – Real Friends Are So Important
Hey mamas! My wonderful friend Julie is here today. Julie and I met through a life group at church 5 years ago! Today she is talking about why it’s important that we don’t go through this motherhood journey alone. On the days (or weeks or months) that we feel like we’re sinking, it’s wonderful to know you have other women in your corner to love on you and remind you everything will be ok! Motherhood can be a lonely place if you’re doing it alone. Julie’s perspective on refocusing on God and others is beyond refreshing!
I think we can all agree this mommy thing is soooo amazing, hilarious, blissful, and fun, but oh soooo very HARD! No one should do it alone.
If you are anything like me, you’ve caught yourself in those daydream moments remembering when….. -I repelled a 150′ cliff attached only to a small tree – travelled all over New Zealand by myself – sat for hours at a park alone reading/praying – ran down a steep cliff and jumped (hang gliding) …. And I did it all by myself! Oh the glory days.
My boys tell me all the time “No Mommy, I do it.” They want no assistance. It proves they are “big” boys (a whopping 2 1/2 and 3 1/2) and no longer need their mother. I acknowledged that I do this same thing using a little more acceptable language. “I’ve got it, thanks! Or Thanks for offering, but I’m fine.” I have a deeply embedded drive to prove to the world (which is: everyone I think is looking) that I’m just fine, thank you very much! And we do “got this”, for the most part. But why be okay with fine? I want to be fantastic, awesome, amazing, over flowing with joy! I challenge you to hope and believe that no matter how good (or wretched) your life is right now, there is even better waiting for you.
My mission today is to help us dig deep, get vulnerable, and support your girl tribe. The motivator behind this is a pervasive and constant sense of well being. (Aka JOY!) I want this for all of us and believe we can have it!
A hurdle, for me, is the thought, ” How can I possibly think about others when I’m sinking?!!!” The answer I have worked out for myself is so elementary easy, it’s embarrassing. Two words….. Stop. Start. 1. Stop…worrying about my world. God’s got it completely under control. 2. Start….listening to others. Really listening. My sister in law is the BEST at this!! English is her second (sorry, maybe third language) and she can read between the lines and put herself in my shoes like no one I’ve ever met. Then there’s Stef, that articulates what I’m thinking and how I’m feeling WAY better than I can for myself and then sees what lies ahead. When you’ve heard their story, shoot them a text or call later asking how things are working out. It’s truly amazing how my life simplifies itself when I do these two simple things. Stop. Start. It allows me a fresh perspective and creates a connection which I so desperately need. Another perk, is my prayer life gets more intentional. Definite bonus!
These two simple steps open doors for celebrating big and small wins with your girl tribe, allowing for a fresh perspective, and deeper connections. It also gives you and me a chance to roll our sleeves up and get even messier than we already are. By messy, I really mean REAL. May I remind us that we are human? Yes, image barrers of God but also fallen, imperfect, sojourners of a rocky path. We trip. We fall. We might even yard sale a few times. (The ski term, not scoping out your neighbor’s no-longer desired belongings) We are emotional, too; like it or not (which most of the time I don’t like). We were created to experience a wide range of intangible feelings. BUT we weren’t created to experience it all alone.
“Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another.” (Heb. 10:25) Or the message says it like this… “Let’s see how creative we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding community as some do but spurring each other on, especially as we see the big Day approaching. “
Don’t back away when things get sad or dark. (Like I do 😔) I hid in a hole when my dad died and I was pregnant with my first. I shyed away when we moved twice in two years with a new born and toddler. I can say from experience life is much sweeter when you let a friend(s) in and allow them to help you out of that hole.
Our very own sweet Stef, is the perfect example of being the friend that pulls you out. We were in the thick of moving and I. Was. Overwhelmed. I wasn’t sick or dying or anything major. Just sinking. She showed up at my door, with Ryder on her hip and asked “what can I do to help?” She ordered pizza, recruited our small group, took my husband’s dry cleaning, and loaded her car up numerous times. I was so deep in the woods and couldn’t see a way out. Stef stopped worrying about her life and showed up in mine and blessed me beyond what I deem an acceptable act of love and friendship. (Side Note: Sarah Krebs helped me wrap all my flower vases and ran across a spider. Which is beyond her comfort zone AND she continued on.) Friends. REAL friends. I’m so glad I opened the door and let them in that day. My pride took a back seat, like last row on a 15 passenger van. All my crap and junk drawers were open and exposed, dead spiders in my flower vases, they brought all the food and served me and my family. But mostly me and my dark overwhelmed heart.
I look back at that night and a smile emerges. A deep sense of contentment, peace and overwhelming LOVE fills me. The intangible. The stuff I want to fill my life. So dig deep, get vulnerable, support your crew. You will experience the joy of living.
Love to all you lovely mama’s!
Ok, her “glory days” list. What?! Wow. I knew one of the things on that list. Every time I learn new things about her I’m like sesh, you’re cool!!! You have an adventurous soul, Julie. I sure do hope it rubs off on me! Often times I am texting her while sitting on the family room floor, still in my pjs and struggling to find the energy to play with the same plastic tools for the 1,483rd time that morning. When she writes back it goes something like this: Oh, hey! I’ll call you later. The boys and I just left the library. On our way to the museum and then we’re gonna go grab stuff to make homemade guacamole together tonight.” WHAT?!!?!? Come. On. LOL Makin the rest of us moms look bad. AKA – ME! 😉
To be honest, I was kind of cringing reading the kind words she said about me. Why is it to hard to hear others say good things about us? Anyone else relate to this?! Truth is, Julie has been by my side through a LOT of my struggles. Individually and in my marriage. She is a gift to me. More than she’ll ever know. I feel so safe with her. She loves on me and lifts me up and will also call me on my shit when I need it. Julie has served me and my family over and over again. With a big, giant smile on her face. It’s the best!
I hope you all have wonderful friends in your life. I don’t know how I would survive motherhood (or really just life) without the amazing women I am so lucky to have in my life. If you’re in a new town or just need some more positive friendships in your life, join a church! Join a small group, meet up with new people. Talk to other moms at the pool, the park, preschool drop off. Chances are, the women you’re reaching out to need someone too.
I hope you’re all having a great Monday. Cheers to the blessings we’ve been given (our little babies) and to Bachelor in Paradise on tonight. 😉 Anyone else guilty pleasure??
Catch up on Mommy Monday blogs here:
Samantha’s Story Nicole’s Story Mel’s Story
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